exhausted…..

I grew up thinking that Marriage was a 50/50 kind of deal, you each give and take equally and support each other through sickness and health and blah blah blah. Boy was I wrong, I’ve been with my husband for 10 years (married 7) and at first it was amazing. everything was shared right down to the daily grit. But I have to admit that the last few years have changed a lot. We are both hard working when it comes to our jobs, I know I could never do his job and I’m so proud of him for going and working as hard as he does. I also know that he couldn’t never do mine either, lets face it oil field work and health care provider two very different ends of the spectrum. But I find myself wishing I could trade places with him most day, that is when he isn’t at work on the rig.

I work my butt off when he is at work, I care for the kids (5) cooking, cleaning, disciplining, teaching them skills, helping with homework etc…… It’s a full time job and I love it, all of it! It can also be a very tiring job having five kids and no one to help you with the everyday, and I’m still not even allowed to go back to work yet. So please someone tell me I’m not being selfish for wanting to be allowed to sleep in when he is home, or needing to take a nap and not have to worry about him falling asleep and leaving the kids to fend for them selves. I just for once want to be able to do as he does, come in and drop my stuff and do my own thing. i want to be the one that stays up all night playing video games and sleeps all day with no worry of helping out around the house. I want to sit in the garage all day wasting time or going to drive to town and hang out with my buddies and leave the house work to everyone else.

But I know I could never do it. I love him and I will continue to do everything, I’ll continue feel like I’m jealous of my husband and I will continue to feel guilty for feeling jealous. Most of all I will continue to pray that the 50/50 will come back, I’m tired no I’m exhausted and I need him to help me so I can be me again.

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Author:

I'm a Wife and Mother of 5 children, I've never done anything great that would make me stand out and even if i had I would hide from the attention. I love to try new things ie; cooking, baking, macrame and D.I.Y. And new to the list is quilting. I love starting projects and seeing the outcomes unfold in front of me.

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