Give Change a Chance

Imagine what it would be like to move to some place new, a fresh start with exciting new opportunities. I’ve always liked watching HGTV and watching couples move to new town or even new countries, they seem so confident and sure of how well its all gonna work out. I love looking at the real estate websites to see houses in different provinces or countries, see the cost and dreaming about what it would like to live in that house in that neighborhood or that country. How would the kids like the school or will get along with the other kids?

Truth be told I find myself dreaming about being in a different town or even country quite often, I dream about how great it would be if we could move and not worry about what we are leaving behind. Ya we have family that lives close, across the street, a block away, the next town over and some that are up to an hour away. Every time I think about moving away and get excited about it something in the back of my brain says wait you cant leave your family behind, you can’t start over somewhere else what about doctors, what about your legs, what if you don’t make any new friends, what if your hate it…….. But the thing is that as much as I love my family and i’m talking about the ones that are right here in my house, my Husband and my Kids. Yes I love my other family but I hate living here, I hate feeling like I need to be so close to everyone in case some one needs something I hate feeling like if i move I will loose everyone,

There will always be certain family members that never come to visit anyway, my own dad proved that one, he lives 40 minutes away and they only way I will ever seen him is if I drive to his house and visit. so really whats the difference if i move an hour away or two days drive away.

I think living in a province where I don’t have to pay for healthcare at all has ruined me to some extent because that other issue I have. I don’t know how anyone can live with that worry of whether they can afford to go see a doctor or afford to pay the health insurance so they can see the doctor.

My brain is playing tug of war with my heart, I feel like there is so much more out tere that I’m missing, like my heart want to go and move on to better things with my little family but my brain is telling me that it would be the dumbest thing I’ve pulled yet. I’m not a spontaneous person at all, in fact I’m the person with anxiety that plays every possible scene in my head to prove tat it could all go terribly wrong. so I haven’t made it very far and because of that, when I did move an hour away it lasted a year and here I am back where I started with nothing to show for it except my Husband and my Kids.

There has to be more to life than waking up everyday and doing the exact same thing as you did the day before, I feel like Drew Barrymore in “50 first dates” most of the time. Tell me what it is that I’m doing wrong because there has to be more to life then this.